But now that we have been approved for respite, I am panicking. I am feeling guilty like I am trying to pawn my child off on someone else so life can be a bit easier for ME.
Sophie is in preschool now and that gives me some time alone with just Stella. But now that I have been given respite, I am being asked for what days I want the respite. Really, all I wanted was a day or two in the afternoon (when Stella naps) so that I could take Olivia and Sophie somewhere without having to worry about Stella licking floors, climbing up somewhere that I can't reach, or having her reach out and scratch some innocent little kids leg or arm as they pass by because she is over stimulated by all the noise.
I want to be able to sign Olivia up for gymnastics and to not have to bring all of the girls with me. Cause like I stated above, Stella is busy and I just want to focus on Olivia if I am taking her to gymnastics.
We were given 240 hours a year, so about 20 hours a month! Now, if I can mix in developmental aide WITH respite then I can totally see us using up those hours. But if we can't.....here is where I am panicking, feeling guilty, regretting asking for respite! Because if we don't use up those hours, then the next time we renew our contract with FSCD, we may not get any respite hours!
So this is currently where I am right now. I am trying to figure out how and when we are going to use respite. I know that I may be over reacting but I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed at what seems like all the new help that Stella seems to need. I am panicking that I am not doing enough for her. Yet at the same time with all this new "stuff" I am trying to get done for her I feel like I am losing valuable time with her. Time that I should be spending with her, not anyone else. I am trying to find balance and I am just struggling.
Hopefully I will gain some perspective over the next few days.
Ah, the mommy guilt. You need to take care of yourself (and your older girls) in order to be a good mom. Plus, it will help Stella to have a caregiver outside of mommy. It will be hard at first, but then I think it will be good. Just my opinion. . . I do understand the mommy guilt though.
ReplyDeleteYes, good ol mommy guilt! I know it will be good but I always worry that my children will think I don't want to spend time with them or something. Silly, I know..
DeleteOh I admire you, truly. So many Moms out there let that guilt of not being able to do it all get to them...They hide that they are struggling, they feel themselves crumble under simple daily tasks because they are not willing to admit they need help. They suffer, their children suffer...And all because they are to afraid to say they need a break!!
ReplyDeleteDo the respite. Fill up the time slots. And do NOT feel that guilt. You are already proving you are a damn good Mom by saying you feel you need it. This will be good for you and your kids.
Thanks Jenny! I know respite will be a good thing, but I always worry that I am not doing enough myself. I don't want my kids to ever feel like I didn't spend enough time with them.
DeleteBefore I got Sofie I remember thinking I wouldn't need or use respite for my daughter because I don't get respite for my other daughter.... then I got Sofie :) I learned and totally understand the need for respite now! Enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteI also understand your "guilt" feeling. Once I got the respite hours I didn't book anything more than an evening out. 8 months later I finally used it for a whole day last weekend, which is usually how respite is used here in BC. I totally felt guilty enjoying time with out her.
So hard being a mom!
It is hard being a mom! I should be excited about respite really, but at the moment I am just panicked. I know once I start using hours, I'll find a groove and really come to enjoy the time away!
DeleteAs a former respite worker, know that we enjoy having some fun time with the kids too. Don't feel guilty -use it to have some time with Mickey. Or sometime to yourself too. It's not easy being a mom, let alone a mom of a child who needs extra care and attention. Let your respite days be something you can look forward to and enjoy. XO
ReplyDeleteThanks Ally! yes, some time with Mickey or even just for myself is a good thing! I will adjust. Stella's aid LOVES her and hopefully we can use her for respite as well. And I know that once i begin using those hours I will look forward to respite. lol
ReplyDeleteAnna, we ended up qualifying for respite when Ellie was little because of her collic. It was for 3 months and 5 hours a week. I didn't just qualify for Ellie, however , it was for both kids. Total mommy guilt took over and I almost didn't go, BUT, after the first week, getting to go grocery shopping without a screaming 3 month old and getting re-energized for the rest of the week was priceless. I kept both kids at daycare for one day a week until Ethan was in school and Ellie kept going until September. It was so fun for them and I think we don't realize how much better we are when we can focus on other things, even for just 20 hours a month ;) The guilt is there now, I pray it passes, because what the girls will gain is priceless. :-) You are amazing and HUMAN!! Don't forget that!! -Pam Masson
ReplyDeleteThanks Pam! I am starting to get used to the idea. lol. I know once I actually take advantage of it that it will be awesome! xoxox
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