Wednesday, 28 October 2015

A Fork In The Road

I rarely blog anymore. This was not my intention when I first decided to blog. My intention was weekly posts about our life! Tons of pictures and countless updates.

For awhile, I did just that, and it was good. I met (online), other fellow bloggers and we connected as we could relate to each other’s journeys.  I put all my fears, frustrations and triumphs into these posts and if felt good to be encouraged and recognized and supported.

Then life changed.  We found the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential and my whole thought process changed.  Stella had a brain injury and there were things we could do to help her brain!! Fabulous!

Then life got really REALLY busy! Instead of spending my evenings blogging and sipping on coffee while the TV played in the background, I found myself writing in Stella’s food/program journal, making flashcard and homemade books and reading about supplements (TNI - Targeted Nutritional Intervention, to be exact).

I did manage to do a few update posts about Stella’s progress. Other then that though, I kind of stopped blogging.  I was still journaling (a bit), but I always found myself journaling when I was sad about our challenges, or about what Stella was still not doing. I never truly felt 100% comfortable with sharing these thoughts as I felt deep down these were very personal and not 100% mine to share.

 What if, 10 years from now, Stella stumbles upon my blog? How would she feel reading my blog? Will she feel exposed, belittled? Will she feel like something is wrong with her and that her being different is a bad thing?

I NEVER want any of my daughters to feel that way! Realizing that one day, my girls may read my blog has made me really rethink, just what I am willing to share. I actually feel like I have already shared a tad too much.

As a parent of a child with T21, I have been sharing on my blog my experiences and my perceptions of what it is to have a disability. However, this is not and will not be my daughters view. 

Of all the positive things I share about Stella, I worry that the negatives will be remembered more.  Disability has such a negative stigma attched to it already.  Am I feeding into that negativity? Am I doing more harm then good?

So I stand here at a fork in the road.  Do I continue to blog? If I do, what exactly will I be blogging about? I don’t feel like Stella’s (or her sisters') journey in life is mine to tell anymore.  
I love you more then mere words can ever express.

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